Zetsu Learns Table Manners
by Good boy-chan
Summary: Pein-sama is not pleased with the way that Zetsu eats, so he employs Itachi to teach table manners to Zetsu...with limited results. Rated T for swearing  like all of my stories .


**The idea came about as the result of hyperness with my Zetsu-fangirl friend. Enjoy!**

**I don't own Naruto.**

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><p>All the paths of Pein stood in front of Zetsu in an attempt to look intimidating. Zetsu just thought he (they?) looked tasty.<p>

"Zetsu, it has come to my attention that your eating style is not pleasing to the eye. Just sticking your face into your food is not mannerly."

"**...I'm a cannibal. I'm here to dispose of corpses.** How else am I supposed to eat bodies?"

"With a fork and a knife like civilized people."

"I'm really not that civilized."

"We're having this conversation, aren't we?"

"Hidan doesn't have manners. **In general.**"

"Hidan still uses a knife and fork. Most of the time."

"**...Fuck.**"

"Anyways, I will not tolerate your horrendous table manners any longer."

"The other members have been pestering you, haven't they?"

"Yes, but that's not the point. Now go. Itachi's in the kitchen."

"**Fine,**" Zetsu grumbled, and walked off.

"Hello, Zetsu-san," said Itachi. "Please sit down."

Muttering death threats about all the different and gruesome ways that he was going to eat Leader and the rest of them under his breath, Zetsu complied.

"So..." Itachi peered at him over the top of his collar. "Table manners."

"Yup."

Itachi ignored him and continued. "Table manners are an art. It takes a certain amount of grace and elegance in order to achieve the perfection that is the art of table manners."

"What the hell, un?" Deidara asked from the doorway. He was standing there, fists clenched, teeth grinding together in anger. "Art is GRACEFUL? Art is ELEGANT? Art is an EXPLOSION!"

"What are you screaming about, brat?" Sasori said in an irritated voice as he walked in.

"Danna, Itachi says that TABLE MANNERS are art! I'm just trying to tell him the truth, yeah!"

"You stupid terrorist," Sasori sneered, "table manners are a form of art. They have been around for centuries, which show AND PROVE that art is eternal."

"Art is neither eternal nor and explosion," Itachi said coolly. "Art is elegance. For example, nearly everything is elegant. Deidara-san's art can be considered elegant because of its pre-explosion form and the way that they fly. Sasori-san's puppets can be considered elegant because of the attacks that they can carry out. Their movements are so fluid, so free-flowing...which brings me back to my original point." He shot Zetsu an infamous Uchiha glare. "Your table manners are not elegant. In the least."

Deidara blinked. "Wow, Itachi, that's the most I've heard you say in one sitting, un."

"For once, I'm in agreement with the brat," Sasori said. "But how can you say that art is elegant when art is most definitely eternal?"

"Art is an explosion!" Deidara yelled.

"Art is eternal," Sasori replied calmly with a hint of irritation.

"Explosion!" the blonde bomber shot back.

"Eternal," the puppet gritted out.

"EXPLOSION!"

"ETERNAL!"

Pretty soon the two artists were rolling around on the ground, fighting. Zetsu was wondering if they would stop fighting if he ate them. However, they stopped when they heard a certain word pass Itachi's lips.

"Elegance."

"RAAGH!" With a cry of rage, Sasori and Deidara leapt at Itachi with the intent to kill. Wishing to not destroy the kitchen, Itachi hurried outside. Amaterasu isn't exactly a justu one would want to use on a refrigerator.

Zetsu was soon alone, a bit unsure of what to do. Shrugging, he walked over to the fridge and pulled out his newly-stocked box of limbs. He grabbed a foot and began munching on it.

Pein passed by to check up on how the lessons were going. He paused and stared at Zetsu, who was alone and was eating a human foot like a chicken wing.

He facepalmed and walked away to tell Konan that their plan had failed.

Zetsu moved on to a hand.

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><p><strong>It's short, but I like it. Review please!<strong>

**Sasuke. Lacks. Hatred.**

**Later. :D**


End file.
